GILT!

G.I.L.T!
Ok, so throughout my pregnancy I had many guilty pleasures ...IKEA ice cream! Don't ask, just buy! and only $1...anyways, back to what I was saying...I had many guilty pleasures, now as a new mom, I just have guilt! I have realized that as a new mom, you are CONSTANTLY second guessing yourself or feeling guilty on a daily basis for having failed your child in some way. I have worn many hats in life- daughter, designer, wife, friend, etc- but "mom" is a whole new world! After talking with several N.M.O.T.B (New Moms on the Block as I refer to us:) I am at least comforted by the fact that I am not alone in this feeling. I know this may sound very dramatic if you are not a mom, but it comes from a combination of fresh hormones and a love for your child that is the deepest earthly love you've ever know.

Examples:

Got out of the shower today only to hear Norah crying as she had woken up VERY early from a nap. Instead of rationalizing the fact that I was doing her a favor by bathing myself, I felt terrible knowing that she had been laying there sobbing as I was letting Calgon take me away.
Vertic? GUILTY

We are following the BabyWise philosophy of "training" Norah. According to BabyWise and my pediatrician, Norah should be having only approximately 45 minutes to an hour of awake periods at a time before going down for a nap. They say it prevents overstimulation (I'm learning the lingo), aka fussiness, as their nervous systems go in to overload. Well I could not for the life of me figure out why Norah would get so moody towards the end of her awake times. THEN, a good friend of mine just happens to inform me that feeding time (which happens immediately prior to awake time) should be INCLUDED with the awake time. So here I am trying to figure out why she's cranky. Of course she is! She's exhausted
GUILTY AGAIN-Sorry Norah...I promise to be better:)

These are just two samplings of feelings of failure that I've experienced so far...and she's only 5 weeks old! BUT, I got really good advice from a dear friend of mine. Hopefully this will help any of you that may experience this as well. Two things:
1. The fact that you even feel guilt is proof that you ARE a good mom. It shows how passionate you are about this role and how much you care.
2. We don't have as much power as we think we do to mess it all up...they're still God's little people and He'll work it all out anyways.

This is what I'll choose to believe anyways:)

I think these feelings of inadequacy hold true for women in general! We're never pretty enough, in shape enough, too tan, too pasty. We're either too insecure or overly confident/vain. We desire to be the Ephesian 5 wife, but to have our voices heard as well. We want to be seen as a sweet "nice girl" but be sexy at the same time. etc.etc.etc. We are complex creatures to say the least, but isn't that what keeps us interesting after all? When will we give ourselves some GRACE, accept that we're exactly as we're meant to be, and start to seeing ourselves just as God sees us? This is my solemn vow to try to be this example for Norah....Pray for me:)